A Night of Jazz in Amsterdam

Looking out the window in the morning after the hangover and sweat has dried, sleeping on your couch, you are gone but left a note on the towel. The grey clouds pass outside over the city, the sirens sound. I feel lonely, I am attracted to you but it’s a flash. I don’t know if you feel the same way. And when you dance: dark, thin, smile, mysterious, sensual. I can’t get enough, can’t take my eyes off. I dreamt of sleeping with you. But it wasn’t meant to be.

And my lover, the one who’s heart I was starting to understand. Something beautiful started, but unable to bloom. This is what they mean by tragedy. You are married, have a comfortable life. Soul mates indeed.

And I’m learning about destiny, or what it can mean. Learning to believe in more than myself, and my decisions. Things are connected in strange ways that I can’t see now. Believing that everything will work out for the best in some way, some day. This is faith.

My ears are ringing in the early morning, as I write this. The wine has yet to take effect. Soon I will wake early, and continue on as I should.

A Way to Happiness

Happiness is riding on a bicycle in the sunshine with a heavy pack on your back weighing you down, full of food and you have an empty stomach but you know you’ll soon be back to your flat. No worries, just the sun and the cobblestones. A connection to everything, you can feel it. the lady across from you, peddling away on another bike, she’s not so different. It’s all written by the same hand.

Happiness is enjoying black coffee while soaking in the Portuguese conversation all around you, the Brazilian diva on the television, and a white terrier resting on the carpet. Sharing laughs and smiles.

Happiness is laying naked and panting in the dark, holding each other, and finally realizing that this moment is eternal. That you feel love with this man, as brief and impossible as it may seem. That love comes in many shapes and you shouldn’t be so concerned with trying to find that perfect one. Enjoying what you have in the moment is much more important.

Electrify Then Think

Remember my son, that after the rush and the excitement, things come into focus again. Do not get caught up in the rush of things.

What I want to say is.

Read. Expand your mind. Understand what you thought you couldn’t. Open up. There’s more to you than a

What I mean is

I love you, keep going, you’re on the right track. And he’s out there, but think of yourself first.

Remember what I told you, and what you’ve read. Everything will work out, you are unfolding it all just as you’ve been meant to.

Thank you God for the storm. Flashing, cleansing, cracking, booming! I lay awake holding myself, and smiling in the dark, knowing that I’m dry. Naked, I look out the window and feel nature again. The rain cannot pound hard enough.